Gasp! A Christian talking about sex?! Yes. Though this post has nothing over the top or graphic, it does contain talk of intimacy — it’s not necessarily a read for your kids.
Ah, Valentine’s Day … The time of year when singles feel lonely, when couples put unnecessary expectations on one another, when we feel almost forced to love.
For these reasons I’ve never been much of a Valentine’s Day girl. Don’t get me wrong, though … I will never turn down a nice dinner and flowers from my hubby!
But for anyone who has walked the road of infertility, you know how trying to conceive can disrupt your intimacy. Combine the pressures of Valentine’s Day and infertility, and you’re bound to meet some resistance and unmet expectations within your marriage.
Today, I want to challenge you to search your heart honestly. Are you are the wife who demands a certain position from your husband to optimize conception? Can you not concentrate on anything but conceiving when you two are intimate? Do you push your husband away immediately after sex so you can elevate your hips? Do you see your husband with intimate eyes, or with baby-maker eyes?
My sisters in Christ: Leave your infertility burdens to the side this Valentine’s Day.
Trust me, I’m the first person to mentally punch someone in the head when they tell me to “just relax” and I’ll get pregnant. So please know that this is not what I’m talking about. I’m not telling you to forget about trying for your miracle baby. This is about intentionally being with your spouse and enjoying the gift of intimacy — not the “get me pregnant” intimacy.
Listen, I know talking about sex can be awkward, especially when it comes to faith (but it shouldn’t be!). So, if you need a little Biblical backup, remember that sex and intimacy is a gift designed by the Lord. You and your spouse are now “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, amongst others) — you are one. Yes, being “one flesh” is obviously physical, but it goes far beyond that. It includes intimacy between husband and wife in every way — physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun. {Ecclesiastes 9:9}
We need to be reminded that God’s design for sex is to build unselfishness. As we become one, we are commanded to physically and spiritually commit our lives to our spouse. So bringing the weight of infertility into a moment of intimacy takes away the intent of “oneness.” I love this quote from Don Meredith: “God makes sex a sacrificial act that is redemptive, in that it gets my eyes off my needs and onto the needs of my mate.” You may be thinking: “Meredith, God also designed sex for procreation. Trying to have a baby is not selfish.” Sister, I completely agree! Bear with me here.
Remember, the Bible affirms sexuality as a part of our embodied existence. God designed humanity to be sexual creatures, and as such, we are called to honor God with our bodies. Within the covenant of marriage, husbands and wives are free to express love for each other and experience pleasure through sexual union. This is pleasing to God (and is most certainly not shameful)!
Can you search your heart and truly say you are being an unselfish wife this Valentine’s Day? If you find that you aren’t, I encourage you to seek the Lord and pray about this burden. Take time to reflect and meditate on where your marriage is, and where your priorities are falling, throughout this difficult trial. Express your love with your spouse. Build unselfishness together. Apply the Gospel to your relationship. Not only will this please your Heavenly Father, but it will strengthen your marriage and bring you to new heights. I know it has for us!
In love,
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