When we opened up about our infertility journey 5+ years ago, we were suddenly presented with scenarios and conversations we didn’t expect to have. We discovered that, no matter how honest we were with our loved ones, there were still lingering assumptions about our lives.
In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week’s 2018 theme, #FliptheScript, I’m sharing some incorrect assumptions about our battle with infertility. I want to stress, however, that this is where we are today. My heart wasn’t always in this place. It has taken years and the grace of God to bring me to these declarations!
#FliptheScript: We live lonely, unfulfilled lives.
There’s a hurtful misconception (often unsaid, but implied) that declares the lie that because we don’t have children, somehow our lives are lonely, boring, or unfulfilled. That we should be pitied. That we should be grieved. That we should be doing whatever we can to reach fulfillment via parenthood.
You must understand, whether you are a parent or not, parenthood is not synonymous with fulfillment.
Many couples have allowed infertility to obstruct their view of life, meaning, and purpose — and it’s a natural feeling to experience emptiness and a void. And let’s not forget, desiring children is a beautiful godly desire. However, for Matt and me, we live in freedom and joy now that we understand that life wasn’t designed only to be completed by parenthood.
I wake up in the morning and can spend hours sitting and reading over a cup of coffee, breathing in the fresh air, and connecting with God. Matt and I took a road trip last summer to Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons, and we left many of the details and timeline to chance, for we didn’t need to structure our lives around our children. We still date, still connect, still have freedom to get up and go whenever we please. We don’t sit around talking about our misery as childless people. I can rejoice and say with confidence that Matt and I live fulfilled, beautiful, joyful lives as a childless couple. All glory goes to the Lord for revealing this to us!
#FliptheScript: There’s something wrong in the intimacy department.
I’m not here to prove to you nor invite you into the details of our intimate life. However, what I will briefly share is that infertility has not destroyed our intimacy.
In fact, infertility has freed us from looking at one another solely as baby-making machines only to be used and cast aside. In freedom from trying for a child, we now connect on a profoundly deep level, a reuniting as one body to enjoy the gift of intimacy God designed for us.
And to be completely candid, I’d rather enjoy sex and not get pregnant than get pregnant and not enjoy sex. We can reach parenthood in other avenues, but our intimate life is strictly ours.
#FliptheScript: We want your life.
Please receive this message with ears of love, beloved friends. Most of the time, Matt and I are grateful to return to our quiet, stress-free, do-what-we-want-whenever-we-want homes after spending time witnessing tantrums and the general stress of parenthood.
The Lord has set us where we are, and he has set you where you are. We have reached godly contentment, and in it comes freedom from envy, jealousy, and wanting what others have. It’s our joy to walk alongside you in your life, but we don’t sit around praying for it.
#FliptheScript: We will be parents someday.
Sometimes I feel as though everyone around us wants us to be parents more than we do. We are told time and time again how wonderful we would be as parents, that we deserve to have a family, that we would raise God-loving children, that we should do everything we can to accomplish this dream. Hey listen, I agree. Pat us on our backs because, yes, Matt and I would make incredible parents! But that is not a recipe for forcing the will of God.
The reality is: we may never be parents. The greater reality is: we will still thrive. We have accepted this truth, and invite you to join us in accepting it as well. By the grace of God alone, we “have learned to be content whatever the circumstances” (Philippians 4:11). Rejoice with us in our freedom, contentment, and joy!
If you have or are walking through infertility, what would you like to #FliptheScript on? Please share with me!
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Cover photo used with permission, Unsplash.com
This post was inspired by and modified from a piece I wrote last year.
”The reality is: we may never be parents. The greater reality is: we will still thrive. ” I love these words. I do believe He has a beautiful plan for us – kids or no kids.
Amen, Fritzie! We are equally His, loved greatly! Keep thriving girl! xo
I felt for a time that everyone was judging me on if we were somehow doing something wrong in the bedroom. And yes a reminder that part of infertility should stay between you and your spouse, and no one should ever be that bold to ask if we’re doing something wrong! Our friends kids are just that – theirs. They aren’t ours. God gave them to our friends for a reason, not us. 🙂
So true Tedi! If only we never had to face criticism or silent assumptions, right? I have to believe that the hard days make us stronger!