From time to time, I lie awake at night, struggling to comprehend my future as a potentially childless woman. I am haunted by thoughts such as: “What will our future look like as a childless couple? Who will our close friends be? Will people still invite us to be part of their lives? Will we ever be able to participate in or relate to conversations with our parent friends? Who is going to take care of us when we’re elderly, and who will visit us in the nursing home?”
Truthfully, I have reasons to feel this way. Friends my age have moved on to (rightly) pursue and prioritize their children and family life. So, naturally I don’t get invited to play dates, I don’t understand half the things they talk about, and I can feel as though I don’t have a “place.” This leads me to believe the lie that I will continue to be forgotten by those I love and will be left behind as the years go on without a traditional family structure.
Friend, I have learned that this isn’t a situation where you simply slap on a biblical Band-Aid and recite a couple Scriptures about fear. My desire is for you to understand how, where, and why the Gospel changes the way you and I see our childlessness and its fears. Ready to attack this with the Gospel?
Look at the sparrow
When you are tempted to think that you will be alone and forgotten, reflect on Jesus’ words in Matthew’s Gospel:
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (10:29-31)
(Jesus also references sparrows in Matthew 6:25-27 and Luke 12:4-7.)
“Sparrow” is the name given to several different species of birds in the Bible. These little birds gathered in noisy flocks and were such social creatures; a lone sparrow was a rare thing. A sparrow alone upon a housetop was a symbol of deep loneliness (Psalm 102:7).
In Old Testament times, sparrows were sold for a very low price — two of them for a copper coin (Matthew 10:29). A copper coin, an asarion, was a very small Roman coin worth less than a quarter in U.S. currency today. Those who were poor and could not afford to sacrifice a sheep or a goat might bring a tiny sparrow to the Temple (Leviticus 14:1-7).
So insignificant were these little birds that if you purchased four sparrows, the seller would throw in one more for free (Luke 12:4-7). It is these trivial sparrows of which Jesus said, “Not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care” (Matthew 10:29) and “not one of them is forgotten before God” (Luke 12:6b). His care for his precious creation is so deep that even this tiny sparrow is noted and treasured by God; it breathes its last breath under his care!
Sparrows were not — and are not — worth much to people. But they were and are worth much to God. And if the Lord loves, cares for, values, and notices these seemingly insignificant birds, can you imagine how he treasures you?!
Gospel promises when you fear being forgotten
Friend, we can be assured through the Gospel that because Jesus is our Lord, he has all authority and power over us (Matthew 28:18). And because has authority over our life, we no longer need to worry about where we stand in our circle of friends, family, and society’s expectations. We can choose to make Christ our authority rather than fear (Ephesians 3:17; Galatians 1:10; Luke 12:32; Proverbs 29:25).
Christ’s sovereignty means that nothing escapes his eye or his plan; nothing catches Jesus by surprise (Hebrews 4:13). We may rejoice in this because, though we may feel forgotten by those around us, we are not forgotten by our Lord and Savior. He is the only consistent, reliable One who will never forget us. Jesus assures us that he is with us till the very end of the age (Matthew 28:20), and he has promised to never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5b).
Also, we can rest in the fact that our Savior has paid the penalty for our offenses. Why does this matter? Well, though we deserve to be cast out and should be forgotten by God due to our sin (the worst possible kind of forgotten!), we are promised that we will not be forgotten if we are in Christ. In fact, not only are we not forgotten before God (Psalm 32:28a), but we are accepted (Romans 15:7), welcomed (2 Peter 1:11), loved, and made holy (Hebrews 10:10) before him!
For all these reasons and sure promises from the Gospel, we can actively live out our faith in freedom, confidence, and fearlessness (Hebrews 13:6). Every time you see a sparrow or small bird, be reminded of your awesome God’s tender care for and attention to you, sweet friend!
The bird also has found a house, And the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, Even Your altars, O LORD of hosts, My King and my God. (Psalm 84:3)
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Cultural and historical information gathered from Orr, James, M.A., D.D. General Editor. “Entry for ‘SPARROW'”. “International Standard Bible Encyclopedia”. 1915.
Cover image used with permission via Andrea Reinman, Unsplash.
Thank you for this post, Meredith! As an infertile, childless not by choice woman, I feared (sometimes still to a bit) being forgotten and alone. (I wrote about this on my blog, if you want to read it – http://notsomommy.com/fears-childless-woman/ ) It is comforting to be reminded that God will never leave us. As long as we have Him in our hearts, we are never alone!
Such a great post you wrote, Brandi! So very accurate. This journey can be so discouraging, but we have to remind ourselves to be fixed on Christ!
So grateful for you! xo
Thank you, Meredith! Grateful for you, too! 🙂
Thank you for this post! After 2 years of walking away from 10 years of infertility, sometimes these fears that you’ve addressed still creep in. From a practical standpoint, have you found that God has provided you with friendships of others who do not have children? My husband and I live in an area that is very family-centric and we do not have any Christian friends who do not have at least 3-4 children which is a blessing, but can also be hard at times. Just curious how you as a couple structure your free time. Thanks again.
Hi Kat! I’m glad you found this post. I’m sorry that you still feel the weight of feeling forgotten — it’s very real! To answer your question: yes, the Lord has provided me friends who do not have children, and it’s not in an infertility-centered way … many of them are single, a couple got married much later in life and didn’t have children due to their advanced age. I love having them in my life! We relate on so much, again, not infertility-centered, but because we don’t quite “fit in.” It’s been a tremendous gift! As a couple, we try not to take life too seriously … we live doing what we’re passionate about (and those are actually different things!) and we live experiencing life together 🙂 We try to enjoy the small things, the small and large graces that the Lord has lavished upon us. I pray the same for you and your hubby! May God’s merciful hand grace your heart with peace and confidence! Message anytime <3
Thank you so much for your heartfelt response. We’ve come such a long way in healing, thank goodness, but sometimes I feel more sensitive to things like this. I appreciate your insights and am so thankful to hear how the Lord has provided for you. What an encouragement! It reminds me of how He has also provided tremendously for us. This was just what I needed to read today. Thank you, again!
You are most welcome! So many of my posts have been infertility or TTC related, but now that we aren’t in that realm anymore per se, there will be many more posts focused on childfree living. Hope you’ll hang around! Are you on Instagram?
Hi, Kat! I wanted to let you know that there is a closed Facebook group called “Childless Christians.” I am one of the admins and find this group very supportive, loving, and encouraging. Although I’ve never met any of the members facet-to-face, I’ve developed some true friendships there. I thought you might be interested in joining. Here’s the link – https://www.facebook.com/groups/1038583099506734/
Thanks for connecting with Kat, Brandi! Love your heart and passion for the childless/childfree community. You are a gift!
Thank you, Brandi! I am not on Facebook, but I may create an account for this. I would love a community like this!