Since I began openly sharing our infertility struggle with the world, I’ve had many women ask me whether or not they should do the same.
Sister, every woman is different, and every journey is unique, so my best encouragement would be to seek the Lord above anything else and He will direct your footsteps — because trust me, opening up about this isn’t for everyone!
In my experience, there have been moments where I’ve rejoiced, and moments where I’ve wanted to bang my head on a wall. When it comes to opening up about such an intimate and personal struggle, here are a few pros and cons that may result:
No Longer Alone
PROS: You will have the thoughts and prayers from your loved ones. You may connect with people who have walked a similar road to advise and support you in your journey. You’ll find yourself less isolated and comforted by those backing you up.
CONS: Even when opening up about such a personal struggle, people may not necessarily want or feel the need to ask you about your trials. This may lead to resentment and hurt as you struggle with feeling abandoned through such an intimate pain. On the opposite side of the spectrum, oftentimes once people have knowledge of your situation, they may constantly ask you about it or bombard you with unsolicited advice.
PROS: You’ll connect with folks who have walked the same road, who in turn may connect you with excellent doctors or online resources. They may also be able to advise you on certain procedures, supplements, websites, books, support groups, helpful blogs (like mine!), etc.
CONS: Everyone has an opinion. They may be adamant that eliminating gluten or dairy will “cure” your problems, or that you “must” do acupuncture or undergo specific tests, treatments, or procedures. You may begin to feel that everyone is trying to “fix” you. Well-meaning loved ones may forward articles or blog posts, or clip newspaper articles for you, which can cloud your focus and overwhelm you as you consider your options.
Living in Freedom
PROS: Once you release this burden off your chest, you may rejoice in your newfound sense of freedom. You’ll feel relief for no longer holding in this secret of yours. You won’t have to lie about why you aren’t going to a baby shower or a baby’s birthday party. Your freedom may empower you to come alongside others and use your journey to benefit others. You’ll no longer have to answer the dreaded “So, when are you having kids?” question.
CONS: Ultimately, your openness and newfound freedom means you may feel judgment. Your wings may be clipped temporarily as friends or family disagree with your decisions. The intrusive nature of some may take away the feeling of freedom. Additionally, you may find now that you’ve opened up, that friends who get pregnant will tiptoe around you or hesitate to talk to you about their pregnancy or children.
Sister, I can’t stress this enough: Ask the Lord for discernment in this. Don’t jump the gun, but don’t hide in fear either. “For God is not a God of confusion, but of peace.” [1 Corinthians 14:33]